so last night i went to a concert he also went to. i thought it’d be good to be drunk beforehand that way i wouldnt care. i downed a flask and a half and then had two beers in the show. i proceeded to have a heart attack when i saw him and then started crying halfway through the show. i was trashed by this point. crying as in sniffly tearing up crying, until i got home and proceeded to start bawling and didnt stop until i fell asleep

also i punched the wall and fractured my hand again

i suck

this morning i took three diet pills with no food and two cups of coffee before work. i just got sent home because i was having extreme heart palpitations and began to pass out while ringing a customer up

i enjoy flirting with death far more than i should

I’m going on a second date with someone tomorrow but all I can think about is you. and you’ve been in the majority of my dreams the past two weeks.

seriously
fuck off

just purged in the shower until my throat was pounding and i felt like I was
about to burst a blood vessel

things were good for a little while, I went on a date with the guy I’m rather fond of. I was eating normally and stuff was normal.

pretty sure he’s not that interested
figures. story of my life. any man I like would rather “be friends instead” aka not ever talk to me again

I’m tired of being the gross one.
I need to lose weight again.

about to go purge after a small binge
haven’t thrown up since the flu, haven’t purged since like two weeks before that..

this is hell

trying to get back in the healthy mindset.

breakfast: oatmeal with cinnamon and a spoon of brown sugar, one banana, 2 cups of coffee

lunch: one grapefruit, big salad with 3 pieces gardein chicken strips (150 cal) and red wine vinaigrette

still eating less and less, not really upset about it. I always thought I could quit this when I wanted to but it’s harder than I thought.

on the bright side, things are looking up. I think I like someone. I’m still not over him though, even though I should be. he treated me like shit, so why do I still care?

I don’t know, I’m drunk. tonight went perfectly. we’ll see!